I was just thinking about this little blog last night and thought I would give an update for anyone who might still read it [maybe just Cay:)]
Well, this is what I would like to talk about today - please travel back with me to my tenth grade year of high school. We'll just head straight to my Algebra class. It was a place where memories were made and frustration reached heights unfathomable. You see, math and science were never my top subjects. Now that I'm a little older I've realized I'm just not a very logical person, but at the time I wanted to not only understand but also be awesome at Algebra. However, gifts and desires sometimes don't match up, and Algebra skills don't come magically. I distinctly remember working on a hard math problem and knowing it was the end of me, so I would flip to the back of the book and check out the answer. I figured if I knew the end result I would be able to find the right path to get there.
Unfortunately, for me and probably others like me in my class of seven, this did not always work. And sixteen year old Steph would grab her juice box (yep. I still drank juice boxes in 10th grade. no shame.) and just stare at her Algebra book. I would try every path to get the right answer. I would do everything I humanly thought possible to get the desired end result. Generally after trying all these things I would realize it just wasn't going to happen, and I would grab my books and my juice box and walk to the back of the room. I would plop everything on the table and with a look of despair I would ask my teacher, "will you PLEASE help me?"
Then grabbing an inky blue pen and a clean sheet of paper (he almost always used clean paper - definitely not a tree saver) and go back to the beginning and walk me through the problem step by step until the answer was right. Worked every time.
You see, what I learned in the tenth grade was a little thing called "humility." I knew what I wanted (that right answer - wanted it so bad), but I didn't know how to get it. After putting myself through so much frustration and disappointment - mostly of my own making because I didn't want to ask for help - I would have to go to someone who knew how to get that right answer, someone who knew how to make the problem work and which path to take.
Something a little bit like this is happening in my life again right now. Thankfully, it does not have to do with math problems this time, but just some basic life problems. I've known the basics of what I want to do with my life for a long time and known the type of person I want to be. I've had heroes since I was five years old, and I would read their books over and over trying to figure out how I can be like them. And I've tried a lot of different paths to get there. My latest plan was to attend college this January and start classes to become an elementary teacher. For a very long time I've had this sneaking suspicion that I should just wait, and in fact I've even put off praying about it before because I was a little worried my plans wouldn't work out if I did (hello, warning sign.)However, just yesterday I was real overwhelmed with everything I was putting before myself, and I grabbed my books and my juice box and went to my Teacher. Basically, God kind of erased all the work I had done trying to get what I wanted. I'm back at square one right now and waiting for God to show me the next step. So, I thought I was going to college in two weeks, but instead I'm looking for a job and waiting for the next step to be shown.
Let me tell ya, algebra problems were easier to erase than life plans, but I'm excited to see what's next. God's plans are always so much better than mine.
