WHO AM I?

got married

moved away from home

work in south minneapolis

learning to cook

learning to communicate

drinking so much coffee

gaining new perspective

That just about sums up my life right now. God has been so incredibly faithful to me. He is good beyond what I could ever imagine. I was inspired the other day to write what God is teaching me. My life seems small in the grand scheme of things. Who am I to think I have things to share? But the beauty of life is that God is the One who has things to share. He is the One who is working in my life. He is the One who is bringing me new perspective, and it's in the stillness of the ordinary that God inspires and teaches incredible things. 

God, teach me to listen.

oh hey blog.

Hey world.
It has been awhile. I thought about writing through a whole update of my life - but that is unnecessary. No need to pick up where I left off. I'll just dive into right here and now.
So, let's talk about Daniel. Actually, first let's talk about why I want to talk about Daniel.
See, for the past couple months people would say to me, "Steph, hey! How are you? What's going on?" It's nice of them to ask me that. I usually would reply, "Oh my goodness! HELLO! I'm doing so good. Ya know, I'm just working and going to school. Just trying to live day by day." 
It's a classic conversation that I have had so often. You see, the day by day was my cop out for this real scenario. Imagine someone said, "Steph, how are you? what's new?" This would be my heartfelt response: "OH MY GOODNESS!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING WITH MY LIFE!!!" Then my face would turn pale and my eyes would bug out and I would just stare at them until they told me what to do with my life.
That is what living day by day meant.
Then just a week or so ago I started reading the book of Daniel. I just wanted a change of pace, so I decided to read about the great Lion Befriender for awhile. God had way more in store for me than just reading the classic tale of the Lion's Den though. To be honest - I haven't even made it that far into the book. I have been to caught up in the second chapter. Just this one particular section:
Daniel 2:17-18
"Then Daniel went to his house and made the matter known to Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, his companions, and told them to seek mercy from the God of heaven concerning this mystery..."
Did you catch that? Our great hero Daniel - the dream interpreter - went to his friends and told them to seek mercy from the God of heaven. Daniel knew he was in over his head, and he needed help from his God in order to interpret these dreams.  
God used these verses to bring my little mind to a screeching halt. Here I have sat for hours, days, weeks thinking about my future. Where should I go to school, where should I work, where should I live - round and round these questions would go. Then add in what should I have for lunch, should I run this 5k, what shoes am I going to wear - my head was constantly turning question after question over in my mind. (Someday we could talk about how sad it is that they weren't even noble questions concerning how can I help the world - no, these were all selfish questions. Typical.)
After I read about Daniel's plan of action I realized I had something mixed up in my plan. There was nothing wrong with my decision to live day by day. However, the problem was arising when instead of seeking the mercy of God to solve the great mysteries of life I was seeking myself to answer all my questions. 
I am so very thankful that God brought this to my attention. He knew I was running out of wisdom. He knew how much I needed Him to make my decisions. Praise the Lord for allowing us to seek Him and let Him guide our thoughts and actions. He is a wonderful Father to His children.
So, now if you ever hear me tell someone I am living day by day don't worry. Instead of my face turning pale and my eyes bugging out I will be thanking God for the grace to live day by day and to seek His mercies every morning.

Life and Algebra 2

I was just thinking about this little blog last night and thought I would give an update for anyone who might still read it [maybe just Cay:)]

Well, this is what I would like to talk about today - please travel back with me to my tenth grade year of high school. We'll just head straight to my Algebra class. It was a place where memories were made and frustration reached heights unfathomable. You see, math and science were never my top subjects. Now that I'm a little older I've realized I'm just not a very logical person, but at the time I wanted to not only understand but also be awesome at Algebra. However, gifts and desires sometimes don't match up, and Algebra skills don't come magically. I distinctly remember working on a hard math problem and knowing it was the end of me, so I would flip to the back of the book and check out the answer. I figured if I knew the end result I would be able to find the right path to get there.

Unfortunately, for me and probably others like me in my class of seven, this did not always work. And sixteen year old Steph would grab her juice box (yep. I still drank juice boxes in 10th grade. no shame.) and just stare at her Algebra book. I would try every path to get the right answer. I would do everything I humanly thought possible to get the desired end result. Generally after trying all these things I would realize it just wasn't going to happen, and I would grab my books and my juice box and walk to the back of the room. I would plop everything on the table and with a look of despair I would ask my teacher, "will you PLEASE help me?"

Then grabbing an inky blue pen and a clean sheet of paper (he almost always used clean paper - definitely not a tree saver) and go back to the beginning and walk me through the problem step by step until the answer was right. Worked every time.

You see, what I learned in the tenth grade was a little thing called "humility." I knew what I wanted (that right answer - wanted it so bad), but I didn't know how to get it. After putting myself through so much frustration and disappointment - mostly of my own making because I didn't want to ask for help - I would have to go to someone who knew how to get that right answer, someone who knew how to make the problem work and which path to take.

Something a little bit like this is happening in my life again right now. Thankfully, it does not have to do with math problems this time, but just some basic life problems. I've known the basics of what I want to do with my life for a long time and known the type of person I want to be. I've had heroes since I was five years old, and I would read their books over and over trying to figure out how I can be like them. And I've tried a lot of different paths to get there. My latest plan was to attend college this January and start classes to become an elementary teacher. For a very long time I've had this sneaking suspicion that I should just wait, and in fact I've even put off praying about it before because I was a little worried my plans wouldn't work out if I did (hello, warning sign.)However, just yesterday I was real overwhelmed with everything I was putting before myself, and I grabbed my books and my juice box and went to my Teacher. Basically, God kind of erased all the work I had done trying to get what I wanted. I'm back at square one right now and waiting for God to show me the next step. So, I thought I was going to college in two weeks, but instead I'm looking for a job and waiting for the next step to be shown.

Let me tell ya, algebra problems were easier to erase than life plans, but I'm excited to see what's next. God's plans are always so much better than mine.

Childlike

I was recently thinking about the different aspects of childlike-ness in the realm of faith. Three different things keep coming to mind.

The first is the need to put childish things behind. "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." (1 Corinthians 13:11) To be honest, I always kind of cringed when I read this verse. A part of me has always wanted to be like Peter Pan and just rock childhood forever, but when you really think about it growing up in the faith is so exciting. Becoming who you are, going onto the next chapter. Think of David as a shepherd (awesome. Fought bears and lions. Winner.) and then David as the warrior king (again - awesome). If he would have refused to go onto what God had next and instead stayed in his childlike existence he would have missed out on the call God had for him.

The second idea on my mind is the importance of childlike faith - even as we are putting our childish ways behind us. How do we hang onto unquestioning childlike faith as we grow up in our faith? I think it comes from knowing who you are. If we have confidence in the fact that we are God's children, that we are known, loved, and accepted, then we can trust in God's strength and goodness. I imagine a little child who has so much faith that their mom or dad will be their for them. They run to them to tell them everything after school, they go to them when they are hurt or scared and know they will be taken care of right away. They trust in their parents and love to be with them.

 

Pure joy and delight.

 

The last thing I just recently started thinking about. It's less about us and more about God's view of children. I teach the 2-4 year old Sunday School class at my church and every week one little girl is so excited to show her mom and dad her craft and every week they give her a huge smile and look at it (no matter what awkward craft her teacher has come up with) and say how wonderful it is. Their faces are filled with joy to see their daughter. I cannot even handle thinking about God looking at me the same way, but He does. He looks at all of His children with joy and love. He delights in us. One of the blessings of childlike faith is the ability to go to the Father and receive His love. If we busy ourselves trying to struggle through life and faith on our own rather than trusting Him we miss out on the blessing of resting in His love as a child rests in the love of their parent.

I've actually had the nickname Pan for a few years now. I'm not actually sure if it's because I have short hair or because I'm pretty good at acting like a child. Either way, if I never grow up completely - I think I'm ok with that.

~

I found this article while I was looking for a verse earlier. It's pretty awesome and address childlike faith far better than I could.

 

Childlike Faith VS Childish Faith

Simply Awesome

Joy in Simple Things.
I think that's the best way to live life.

Please let me tell you my favorite things from today:

~ I got a card from a friend I haven't seen for months. I thought I was going to cry I was so happy.

~ I drank a cup of Raspberry Truffle coffee. What even is that? How do they put all these yummy flavors into black coffee? Can I do it myself? Where can I learn? These were the questions I pondered as I was making it.

~ I rode on an exercise bike. It's the only aerobic exercise I can do right now. I'm all about. I'm probably going to be the next Lance Armstrong.

~ I moved a desk into my room. I felt awesome.

~ I'm going to the Warming House coffee shop soon with my sis. I'm super pumped. They have some nutty Pilgrim latte I've been wanting try. Gettin' in the Thanksgiving spirit. Squanto would be proud.

Yep, it's been a solid day.

To Death?

I think our culture - mixed with a heavy dose of myself - have made it very easy to romanticize the Gospel. It's so much easier to focus on the love of Christ rather than the death of Christ. And to think that He calls us, the ones He loves, to die...it sounds impossible.  Not at all like the fairytales I read.

For the past couple of days I've been trying to focus a little more on the dying part. 

"Put to death therefore whatever is earthly in you." (Col 3:5) 

"He himself bore our sins to his body on the cross, that we might die to sin." (1 Peter 2:24)

I'm not trying to say that anything we do is by our own strength.  It absolutely is not and putting our flesh to death can only be accomplished by the Holy Spirit, but I do believe we are given choices everyday.

For a long time I made my choices based on the fact that God's grace knows no bounds. Because we have been set free from the Law I chose to do many things merely because I "could".  Nothing explicitly sinful and often I could justify my actions by saying, "The Bible doesn't say it is wrong, so obviously God doesn't care."  However, deep down I knew that God was not pleased.  In fact, deep down even I was not pleased. 

Matt Chandler once said, "If there is anything that is keeping you from God - why wouldn't you cut that out of your life?" (loose quotation, I didn't write it down. Sorry, Matt.)

So if there is something that perhaps every other Christian is doing and I choose to do it, but I know it is causing me to stumble - should I not cut it out? Should I not put it to death?

Yes, I should. So, why don't I? Because it is hard.

Death is painful. 

But without death there can be no new life.  

And I want that new life.

I am incredibly grateful the strength to do this comes from Jesus Christ and not myself. May the Holy Spirit have His way in all our lives, so that we may be able to put ourselves and our desires to death and have our hearts changed to desire the things which God would have for us. 

Because He Loved Us

I've been struck lately with the magnitude of God's love.  How high, how deep, how wide.  His love knows no bounds.  It is reckless.  It is beautiful.  I am overwhelmed when I think of the beautiful stories He has written to show us what His love is like.  Think of Hosea and the intense love God gave him for his wife - who was a prostitute.  I can't even begin to write about the Son of God leaving the glory of heaven and becoming man to suffer and die for His unfaithful bride. 

I've been reading verses like this:

"but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her...for the Lord delights in you..." (Is 62:4)

"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed..." (Is 54:10)

"yet I will not forget you.  Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." (Is 49:15-16)

He loves us.  He loves us so much. 

When I was reading these verses and stories I originally was thinking about all the people who need to know this!  We need to tell them.  We need to show them.  I could hardly stand it.  Then in a moment of quiet God reminded me about something.  He wants to love us with that reckless love.  He wants to love me.  He wants to love you.  How often do we let Him?  How often do we spend our days rushing, striving to serve Him?  Even in our supposed quiet times how hard do we try to love Him the best we can rather than letting Him teach us to love?

I can't really wrap my mind around the idea that the Creator of the world, the Creator of love, the Creator of me - wants me.  Obviously, it is not because of what I can do for Him, but simply because He loves me.  And He wants you too.  Not simply so you can worship and love Him, but because He loves you. 

He loves you so much.